Global Warming Travel Warning

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Global Warming Travel Warning


The IPCC has issued an urgent travel warning.

Many people are foolishly travelling to countries, which have an average temperature which is more than 2 degrees Celsius warmer than their home country.

This activity is highly dangerous, and could result in the deaths of millions of people.

The IPCC suggests that people limit their travel, to countries which have an average temperature which is less than 1.5 degrees Celsius warmer than their home country.

Humans evolved in Africa, many millions of years ago. Climate scientists use the abbreviation “BT”, when they refer to this time (“BT” stands for “Before Thermometers”).

In the early days, early humans never travelled more than a few miles, over their entire lifetime. They never travelled more than a few miles, because kilometres had not yet been invented.

Humans, therefore, became adapted to a very narrow temperature range. Going outside of that narrow temperature range, could be deadly. Many early humans were eaten by lions, because they went outside of their normal temperature range.

But early humans had one advantage, that the other animals didn’t have. Because they never washed, early humans tasted horrible, and they didn’t smell very nice. So the other animals left early humans alone. And humans were able to travel all over the Earth.

But humans have a built-in instinct, to settle down. So as soon as they could find a herd of animals big enough to feed them for a week, they would build a city.

As big herds of animals became harder and harder to find, early humans had to travel further and further, before building a city.

Soon, all of the big herds of animals had been eaten. And humans were left stranded, living in their cities.

Travel between cities was dangerous. Because early humans were adapted to the narrow temperature range of their home city, travelling to another city meant almost certain death. If the warmer temperatures didn’t kill them, then the inhabitants of the other city would.

Modern civilization required humans to invent 4 essential things, for modern comfortable living. It is difficult to say which invention is the most important, because each invention depended on the previous inventions. The great leaps forward, were:

1) the horseless carriage

2) air conditioning (to make the horseless carriage more comfortable)

3) fossil fuels (to make the horseless carriage move)

4) takeaway hamburger franchises (to give humans a reason to drive their horseless carriages)

Even with the luxuries provided by modern living, modern humans still have a “stone age” body temperature regulation mechanism. Unlike elephants, who evolved large flappable ears for cooling, human ears provide only very limited cooling.

This is why modern humans are still limited to a relatively narrow temperature range.

Many people believe, that because humans can live in many different countries, ranging from Greenland (with an average temperature of -4.4 degrees Celsius), to Tuvalu (with an average temperature +28.0 degrees Celsius), that humans can adapt to just about any temperature.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Our DNA, and our early environment, limit the range of temperatures that we can adapt to. You don’t need to take my word for it. Just look at all of the people that have died, because they didn’t take sensible temperature precautions.

Yes, people can live in different countries, which have different temperatures. But that is usually because they were born there. Or perhaps they had a blood relative who used to live there, and they inherited “warm” DNA from them.

Scientists have proved that travel programs on TV, have given people the impression that they can travel anywhere. This is endangering the lives of innocent people. In future, all TV travel programs will need to be licenced by the IPCC, and must carry a clear written warning, stating “That travel, and temperatures, may be hazardous to humans, their pets, and their houseplants”.

Scientists have proved that travel and temperatures, are more dangerous than smoking 60 cigarettes a day, for 50 years.

It is safer to stay at home, and take up smoking, than to go travelling in warmer countries.

Don’t worry. We understand that humans have an “urge” to travel. It comes from our early ancestry, when we had to find large herds of animals to eat.

Here at the IPCC, we want what is best for YOU. And we have had our top scientists work out a “safe” way of travelling.

Our scientists have chosen the most popular travel destinations, by going to each country, and testing how “generous” the host countries are. We want the best for YOU, and we are willing to stay in the most luxurious hotels, for months at a time, to make sure that it is good enough for you.

To ensure your personal temperature safety, the IPCC has emitted the following travel regulations.

Travel will be limited to “safe” country groups. This means that travel may only take place between a country, and the other countries that are in the same temperature safety group.

Travel safety group one – (TSG1)
Tuvalu – average temperature = +28.0 degrees Celsius
Singapore – average temperature = +27.0 degrees Celsius
Indonesia – average temperature = +26.4 degrees Celsius

Travel safety group two – (TSG2)
Brazil – average temperature = +24.8 degrees Celsius
India – average temperature = +24.3 degrees Celsius
Pakistan – average temperature = +23.3 degrees Celsius
Egypt – average temperature = +22.0 degrees Celsius
Kenya – average temperature = +21.5 degrees Celsius
Mexico – average temperature = +20.7 degrees Celsius

Travel safety group three – (TSG3)
Australia – average temperature = +17.5 degrees Celsius
Japan – average temperature = +16.8 degrees Celsius
China – average temperature = +15.0 degrees Celsius
France – average temperature = +12.3 degrees Celsius
USA – average temperature = +12.1 degrees Celsius

Travel safety group four – (TSG4)
Germany – average temperature = +9.7 degrees Celsius
England – average temperature = +9.5 degrees Celsius

Travel safety group five – (TSG5)
Canada – average temperature = +4.1 degrees Celsius
Finland – average temperature = +2.4 degrees Celsius
Russia – average temperature = +0.2 degrees Celsius

Travel safety group six – (TSG6)
Greenland – average temperature = -4.4 degrees Celsius

Please note that it is not safe for people who live in Greenland, to travel to any other country. To compensate people from Greenland for this inconvenience, all Greenland households will get a free 12-month subscription to the Al Gore Documentary Channel (sponsored by the “We know that you don’t want to watch this” foundation).

Remember, that the IPCC does not want to impose pointless soul destroying regulations on people, just for fun. We are doing this for YOUR good.

It has come to the attention of the IPCC (herewithinafter called the IPCC), that a group of travel safety group deniers, have invented “suicide by global warming”.

People wishing to die, travel to Greenland, and adapt to Greenland temperatures, for 2 weeks (average temperature -4.4 degrees Celsius).

They then fly to Tuvalu (average temperature = +28.0 degrees Celsius). They then go to a beach resort, and sit on a comfortable beach chair, drinking tropical cocktails, until the high temperatures kill them.

Anybody who is found doing this, will be immediately put to death, by the IPCC. Remember, the IPCC is here to look after you.

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