Agree to Disagree
Debate in a non-hostile environment
The Comb of Death
What, you may be wondering, is the “Comb of Death”?
In simple terms, it is a graph that looks like a comb.
But, what has it got to do with Death?
Well, “The Comb of Life” didn’t sound very exciting. But “Death” is a certain winner.
And it is showing “global warming”. That causes a lot of deaths.
Or it will in the future, if the “Comb of Death” is correct.
The “Comb of Death” displays temperature ranges, for more than 24,000 locations on the Earth.
And I am talking about REAL, ACTUAL, ABSOLUTE temperatures. Not those weak, pale, temperature anomaly things. But real, actual, absolute temperatures. The sort that REAL men use (and REAL women too).
There are many different sorts of temperature range. Some sorts of temperature range, are for wimps. But others are more extreme. I am an extreme type of person, so I am naturally attracted to the more extreme temperature ranges. Let us examine a few.
- Temperature ranges which use “average temperatures”. For example, the temperature range which goes from the month with the highest average temperature, to the month with the lowest average temperature.
This is not really a temperature range. It is more of an excuse to have friends over for tea and biscuits. No REAL man (or REAL women), would seriously consider using this sort of temperature range.
- Temperature ranges which use “yearly” values. For example, the temperature range which goes from the yearly average high temperature, to the yearly average low temperature.
People who know nothing about temperature ranges, are often impressed by this type of temperature range. After all, “years” are an impressively long time, and the temperature range includes the words “high”, and “low”. Take my word for it, this type of temperature range is not worth bothering with.
This type of temperature range does have “hot” and “cold” months (what us temperature range experts, call summer and winter). But there are many other months in the year, which are not extreme. And because this temperature range is a “yearly average”, these less extreme months (which fall between summer and winter), dilute the temperature range to the point where it almost isn’t there.
- Temperature ranges which go from the hottest month, to the coldest month. This is the sort of temperature range that makes a man feel proud (and a women, as well). This is the sort of temperature range that puts hair on a man’s chest (but NOT on a woman’s chest).
When I say “hottest”, I mean the month with the highest monthly average high temperature. Just saying those words, “highest monthly average high temperature”, almost brings a tear to my eye. But of course, I am a REAL man, and REAL men never cry (unless the beer isn’t cold).
There are not many types of temperature range, which have the word “HIGH” in the name, twice. I am going to repeat the name again, just for fun. This time emphasising the “HIGH” words.
The month with the HIGHEST monthly average HIGH temperature.
I feel better now. Just as well, because I have to tell you about the “other end” of this extreme temperature range. The coldest month. By this, I mean the month with the lowest monthly average low temperature. You can tell the quality of a temperature range, by the number of times that they repeat the words “HIGH” and “LOW”.
Some people get intimidated by a temperature range like this. After all, you can’t get any more extreme than the hottest and coldest months, can you? People who believe that, are simpletons. When I was a boy, my parents used to regularly scare us with stories about the “highest recorded temperature”, and the “lowest recorded temperature. Apparently in the 1930’s, before they invented TV, people used to sit around watching thermometers, waiting for a record temperature.
Sorry, I have allowed myself to get “carried away”. Where was I? That’s right, The Comb of Death. In case you are wondering, you have to spell it with a capital “The”. Because it makes it sound more important.
Just to make sure that we are all on the same page (which page are you on? I am on this one). The Comb of Death uses the “from the hottest month, to the coldest month”, sort of temperature range. This is an impressive sort of a temperature range, but don’t be fooled. Behind those “highest monthly average high temperatures”, and “lowest monthly average low temperatures”, lies an embarrassing secret. Did you notice the word “AVERAGE” in those names? Shush, don’t say it out loud.
Because they are “AVERAGE” high temperatures, and “AVERAGE” low temperatures, that means that there are “high temperatures”, and “low temperatures”, which are above and below the “AVERAGES”. So it is sometimes hotter than the “highest monthly average high temperature”. And it is sometimes colder than the “lowest monthly average low temperatures”. Polite people just pretend that it doesn’t happen, but the truth is, it does happen.
Never mind. I have already created “The Comb of Death” graphs, based on the hottest and coldest months. And I am not going to change them now. So just shut up, and be grateful that I am even telling you about “The Comb of Death”. I could have been a scientist, you know. But the man at the job centre, said that there were already too many scientists. I even had a white lab coat, but now it only gets used when I am dusting.
All right, it is time. “Drum roll”. Introducing, the first “Comb of Death”. This one shows the temperature ranges for the present day. Don’t laugh. We have supposedly had +1.0 degrees Celsius of global warming since pre-industrial times. So some people must have already died from global warming.
When you look at the graph, you will see why I call it a “Comb”. The green shows present-day temperature ranges, and there is no global warming visible. Remember, the green is secretly hiding 1 degree Celsius of global warming since pre-industrial times. But I forgot to show it, and it is too late now, anyway.
Just so you know, global warming is orange. The IPCC doesn’t want people to know that. But I think that people should know the truth. Present day warming is green (but it has a slight orange tinge).
Why does it look like a comb? When I first plotted the data (after I had typed in the temperature data for over 24,000 locations on the Earth), I didn’t expect it to look like that. But my dad always said to me, “Sheldon, if you stuff up in a big way, pretend that what you did, was what you were trying to do, and see if you can sell it to somebody”.
Is anybody interested in buying a “Comb of Death”?
So I got all of the data, and since I am mostly interested in high temperatures (low temperatures leave me a bit cold), I sorted the data on the “hottest” temperatures, and plotted it. And that was how the “Comb of Death” was discovered. The “Comb” pattern occurs because, for each “hottest” temperature, there is a range of “coldest temperatures. I should have mentioned, that I didn’t just sort on the “hottest” temperature, I actually sorted on the “hottest” temperature, followed by the “coldest temperature”. That is where the “Comb” pattern comes from.
I quickly realised that nobody would buy a “Comb of Death” which only showed present-day warming. (My teacher once paid me a compliment, by saying that I was the quickest of a slow family)
So I created a series of “Comb of Deaths” (or should that be “Combs of Death”?).
- +1.5 degrees Celsius of global warming
- +2.0 degrees Celsius of global warming, and (wait for it),
- +3.0 degrees Celsius of global warming
The Oil companies offered me a lot of money to “forget” about the “Comb of Death” with +3.0 degrees Celsius of global warming. But I am an artist, and they didn’t offer me enough money.
So now, for your viewing pleasure, here are 3 more “Combs of Death”. If anybody can work out what they mean, please tell me, because I haven’t got the foggiest.
Sorry. Sorry. I forgot to tell you this:
The purpose of the “Comb of Death”, is to show how temperature ranges at different locations, will be affected by global warming.
Since humans are being naughty, and are increasing the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere, we can expect temperatures to go up further.
The second “Comb of Death”, is with +1.5 degrees Celsius of global warming (at some time in the future). This is the lower temperature limit, that the IPCC would like us to NOT exceed, if we can.
The third “Comb of Death”, is with +2.0 degrees Celsius of global warming (at some time in the future). This is the higher temperature limit, that the IPCC would like us to NOT exceed, if we can.
Because people are not making enough effort to reduce their carbon footprints, the IPCC has asked me to show you a “Comb of Death” based on +3.0 degrees Celsius of global warming. They expect that this “Comb of Death” will make Alarmists scream in fear, and will make Skeptics repent their evil ways. A word of warning, this last “Comb of Death” is not for the faint-hearted.
Added AFTER this article was published.
Many people are unaware, that global warming is causing a number of mutations, in plants and animals. Humans are also being affected. My toenails, are now growing at a faster rate than they ever have, in the last 4.5 billion years (ever since the Earth was formed).
I have also gained the ability to know what people are thinking, when they read one of my articles. This is useful, because I often leave things out of articles. When I sense that a person reading my article is thinking:
Global warming affects winter temperatures, more than summer temperatures. How does the “Comb of Death” show this?
I mentally project the answer back into their mind.
In case the person reading my article doesn’t yet have the ability to understand my mental projections, I also put the answer at the end of the article. Here it is:
We know that global warming is NOT evenly distributed across winter and summer. Global warming happens more in winter (the coldest months), compared to summer (the hottest months).
The “Comb of Death” doesn’t show the effect of global warming on the coldest month. On the “Comb of Death” graph, you can’t see the bottom “edge” of the orange “global warming” temperature distribution. It is hidden behind the green “normal” present day temperature distribution.
But that doesn’t really matter, because we are not as concerned about “cold” temperatures increasing. People are generally not terrified by the thought that their winters won’t be as cold as they used to be.
The “Comb of Death” DOES show the effect of global warming on the hottest month (the orange area). We are very concerned about “hot” temperatures increasing. People ARE terrified by the thought that their summers will be hotter, and that people will die because of this increase in temperature.
The “Comb of Death” shows the “important” increase in hot temperatures, but does not show the “less important” increase in cold temperatures.
A reader from Swindon (a large town in Wiltshire, South West England, between Bristol and Reading), had the following thought:
Global warming affects the temperatures in different locations, by different amounts. Polar amplification means that global warming is larger in the polar regions, than at the equator. How does the “Comb of Death” show this?
The reader from Swindon also had some other thoughts. But they are not appropriate for this article. I would like the reader from Swindon to know, that “amplification” only has one “f”. Anyway, here is the answer to your question:
We know that global warming is NOT evenly spread out around the globe. Global warming happens more at the poles (especially the north pole), compared to at the equator.
The poles are colder than the equator. Colder places appear on the left side of the “Comb of Death” graph. Hotter places appear on the right side of the “Comb of Death” graph.
I use a “standard” amount of global warming in each “Comb of Death” graph. This keeps it simple. People are generally not terrified by the thought that “cold” places will have a slightly warmer summer (they probably see it as a good thing).
If people want to, they can imagine that the orange area on the left side of the “Comb of Death”, is slightly “higher”.
The “Comb of Death” shows the “important” increase in hot temperatures, in hotter places. But it doesn’t show the full increase in hot temperatures, in cooler places (where the increased temperatures may even be welcome).
Sometimes I sense a question from readers, which is not directly from one person. I call these questions, “gestalt” questions. They arise from the collective consciousness of all humanity. But are “subliminal” in any single mind.
The answer to the most common “gestalt” question is:
“Colonel Mustard did it, with a lead pipe, in the Conservatory”.
Many readers are also confused by the way that temperature anomalies are used, as the sole measure of global warming. Is the “Global Average Temperature Anomaly”, really relevant to all people equally?
Even though this was a “gestalt” question, I could sense that this question was very important, to a small group of scientists. Did I mention that my new mind-reading ability, is not limited by time, or space. This makes it very confusing, because I often don’t know whether I have already done something, or if I am meant to do it in the future. The ability to read minds, should come with the ability to NOT read your own mind. It is too confusing. There is a huge danger, of becoming “trapped”, in a recursive thought.
I wonder if it will rain tomorrow?
I wonder if I wondered if it will rain tomorrow?
I wonder if I wondered if I wondered if it will rain tomorrow?
I wonder if I wondered if I wondered if I wondered if it will rain tomorrow?
I wonder if I wondered if I wondered if I wondered if I wondered if it will rain tomorrow?
You get the idea. I once spent 2 weeks wondering if I had put the cat out.
I could sense that the question, “Is the “Global Average Temperature Anomaly”, really relevant to all people equally?”, was very important, to a small group of scientists. They turned out the be the small group of scientists from the ill-fated “Spirit of Mawson” expedition to Antarctica. In the ship, the Akademik Shokalskiy. They set out to bring attention to “global warming”, only to have their ship trapped in ice. How embarrassing.
Thoughts associated with emotions, like embarrassment, are easier to read. I can no longer go to films, like “Bambi”. When Bambi’s mother gets shot, I pick up all of the thoughts and emotions, from everybody in the movie theatre. It makes me begin to sob uncontrollably (I am a loud sobber), and the other people watching the movie get angry.
In the article, I said “The purpose of the “Comb of Death”, is to show how temperature ranges at different locations, will be affected by global warming.”
Temperature anomalies DON’T really show how different locations will be affected by global warming. The IPCC treats every positive temperature anomaly as a “bad” thing. They don’t look at individual locations.
If I lived in a “cold” city, like Minneapolis, or Denver, or Cincinnati, then I would be praying for global warming to “hurry up and arrive”.
Minneapolis (Minnesota, USA)
average temperature = +7.9 degrees Celsius
hottest month = +28.6 degrees Celsius
coldest month = -13.6 degrees Celsius
Denver (Colorado, USA)
average temperature = +10.1 degrees Celsius
hottest month = +31.2 degrees Celsius
coldest month = -8.5 degrees Celsius
Cincinnati (Kentucky, USA)
average temperature = +12.1 degrees Celsius
hottest month = +29.9 degrees Celsius
coldest month = -5.8 degrees Celsius
Do you think that Minneapolis, Denver, or Cincinnati, will be global warming catastrophes? Or will they be nicer places to live in?
A temperature anomaly has no “context”, to determine if it is good or bad. Alarmists want everybody to believe that any increase in temperature is “bad”. They have convinced most people that any warming, is a catastrophe waiting to happen. They claim that in many ways, it is a catastrophe that is already happening. Global warming causes:
weather to become extreme
hurricanes to become stronger
hurricanes to become more frequent
sea levels to rise excessively
people to die from high temperatures (but it doesn’t save anybody from low temperatures)
oceans to acidify dangerously
more rain to fall
less rain to fall
snow to disappear
drinking water to disappear
food to become less nutritious
deserts to increase (the Sahara desert is “greener” than ever, thanks to CO2)
animals to shrink
maleria to spread
insects to disappear
dangerous bacteria to increase (note that global warming only kills good bacteria)
fish to lose the ability to navigate
turtles to all become female
the sperm count of human males to go down
monarch butterflies to die (humans spray Swan plants with herbicide, but global warming gets the blame)
When Barry from Denver (Colorado, USA), read this article, he saw that I had used the temperatures in Denver, as an example. He wondered how I knew that he lived in Denver. Then Barry had an uncharitable thought about John Cook (from SkepticalScience). After trying to remember what was going to be on TV that evening, Barry suddenly realised that temperature anomalies were based on all locations being the same. He thought, “there is no such thing as an average month or place”.
Exactly! And “The Comb of Death” doesn’t show you an average month or place. It shows you 2 specific months (hottest and coldest), and over 24,000 unique places (not just an average place).
One of the good things about the “Comb of Death”, is that it shows that most locations won’t be as bad as the hottest locations. They will have global warming temperatures which are lower than some places have NOW.
And it shows very clearly, that there is almost always some location in the world, that is worse off than your location. So maybe you shouldn’t complain too much.
The “Comb of Death” is NOT propaganda. It is factual scientific information, presented in a simple way. It is difficult to show people the temperature data for over 24,000 locations, in a single graph.
The more that I study the “Comb of Death”, the more interesting facts that I discover. There must be many more facts, that I haven’t found yet.
The “Comb of Death” is more than just scientific data. It is also “entertaining”. It is a welcome break from the “doom and gloom”, that is constantly being rammed down our throats.
I don’t know if you are a “Monty Python” fan (actually I do know, because I can read minds). But associating an everyday object (like a comb), with death, makes me smile. I know that it will make a lot of other people smile, too.